Can’t Complain–one minute version.

25 Jul

In case anyone’s curious about that one-minute play, Can’t Complain— Here it is! (All rights reserved.)

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CAN’T COMPLAIN A one-minute play by Christine Evans
Characters:
Maureen
Rita, Maureen’s mother
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MAUREEN:
Mom. How are you settling in?

RITA:
Can’t complain, darling. How about you?

MAUREEN:
I’m fine. Everything’s fine. (Beat, then very fast.) Actually it’s not. Last night Jilly declares she’s pregnant and Joel chips in with, Well, it’s gonna be retarded anyway ‘cause of all the glue sniffing, and Michael says we’re all fucking monsters and walks out on us, SLAMS the door, Jilly’s hysterical and Joel is all like, what did I do? So I say, let’s go get pizza kids, and they calm down. But I left the stove on and when we get home, the house has burned down.

RITA:
I see.

MAUREEN:
Mom… Please.

RITA:
Michael is way out of line. Talking to you like that.

MAUREEN:
Yeah. He is. –You have a great sense of perspective.

(Beat.)

RITA:
–You know, I think that picture’s crooked. I look at it one way and it seems straight then I look back again and it’s crooked. What do you think?

MAUREEN:
It’s crooked.

(Maureen stands and straightens the picture, then turns enquiringly back to Rita.)

RITA:
(Off Maureen’s look.) Maureen! Hello darling. How are you? –You look a bit tired.

(Beat.)
MAUREEN:
Can’t complain, mom. How about you?

RITA:
I can’t complain either.

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